


Little One

by mrstomcat



Series: Little One [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ben Solo is alive, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Jedi Ben Solo, Making Out, Masturbation, Multi, Oral Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Soft Ben Solo, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:14:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrstomcat/pseuds/mrstomcat
Summary: You are a new recruit in the Jedi school, a bit older than the others, but strong with the Force. You struggle to control your power and can’t swing a lightsaber to save your life. Ben Solo makes it his mission to help you learn because he can sense the Force deep inside you. Your chemistry and tension culminate in a relationship that neither of you expected. You try to deny it, hide it, completely forget it’s happening but nothing, not even each other, can stand in the way of your love.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You
Series: Little One [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692247
Kudos: 4





	1. Ready When You Are

Never in your life did you think you’d ever be sitting in a desk at a Jedi training school waiting for the famous Ben Solo to teach you the ways of the Force. Just the thought sent a flutter of nervousness through your chest and caused your breath to hitch in your throat. You glanced around at the other trainees, all a few years your junior. You couldn’t help but feel like you didn’t belong here. You were too old to be a Jedi. Just as your self-doubt started to settle in your stomach, the door to the classroom swung open.  
You’d never seen Ben Solo in the flesh, only heard rumors. That he was seven feet tall, that he walked with a limp, that a scar split his face in two. They weren’t entirely wrong. He was tall, taller than anyone you’d ever known. His gait was strong, heavy. He did have a scar, but it was faded, stretching from his eyebrow down his neck. You felt yourself audibly gasp as you drank in his features; pink, pillow-like lips, dark midnight eyes coupled with matching eye bags. He didn’t sleep much it seemed. His long black waves kissed his broad shoulders. He was beautiful.  
“Good morning, trainees,” his deep voice boomed, echoing around the room. He offered a small smirk.  
“Good morning,” the class repeated back to him with little enthusiasm. I think they were all as taken by him as you were.  
He prattled on about something to do with bravery and determination, his voice velvety in your ears.   
“Some of you will not make it to the end of this training,” he said, his eyes scanning the room, presumably looking for obvious weakness. “And some of you will come out of this as powerful Jedi, ready to serve the Resistance.”   
His eyes fell to you and lingered for just a moment too long. His eyebrow twitched with intrigue. Your cheeks flushed with heat and you dropped your gaze to your fingers. When you looked back up, he’d moved on to someone else. You released the tension in your shoulders with a slight sigh. His speech continued but you could barely hear him over your heartbeat.   
You’d had crushes in the past, boyfriends, lovers even, but you’d never found someone who kept your attention for long, growing bored of the repetitive nature of monogamy too quickly. Not many people gave you a reaction like this, a prickle in the back of your neck, a cacophony of butterflies in your belly. There was strange electricity that surged through you when you caught his eyes and I think he could feel it too.   
“I hope you’re all ready,” he says, clasping his hands together. You noticed how large they looked. “Your training begins tomorrow.”  
He presses his lips together and turns to leave, but pauses with one hand over the doorknob.   
“At dawn.”   
He flees the room, avoiding the collective groan at the early morning call. You didn’t mind. You wouldn’t sleep anyway.  
You walked back to your dorm room that you shared with a roommate. Callie was nice enough, bit boring though. She was a reader, always curled up around a book, usually some old Jedi text. All of her family were Jedi back when they existed freely. It was in her blood to be a Jedi. She had been here a month when you arrived. You wondered what it felt like to follow a family legacy or even have a family.   
As you unlocked the door, you heard a loud gasp and frantic rustling.  
“Callie?” you asked, slowly opening the door. “Everything okay?”   
You crept into the room, looking around for her. You found her in her bed as usual, except she had her blanket pulled up over her shoulder. Her hair looked a mess and her cheeks were a bright tomato red.   
“I didn’t know you’d be back so soon,” she said from beneath the blanket.   
Your knit your eyebrows together, crossing your arms and staring at her until the realization washed over you.  
“Are you naked under there?” you asked, a smirk spreading across your face.   
She looked down at the floor, unable to meet your gaze. She nodded, plunging her face under the sheets.   
You giggled quietly into your hand, trying to save her any more embarrassment.   
“I’ll go grab some food. You get dressed. I’ll be back in an hour,” you said, turning your back to her and quickly exiting the room. You chuckled again to yourself and took off for the cafeteria.   
As you moved through the hallway, you scanned the facility, taking in your surroundings. You passed a few regular doors before finding one with a keypad. It was the only one in this hall with a passcode. Along with the keypad, there was a small rectangular window into the room. The light was on. You shrugged, placing both palms on the door to perch yourself on your tiptoes. You could barely reach the window but you were just tall enough to peer in.   
It was Ben Solo.  
He wore a fitted gray tank top and sweatpants, his long hair tied into a bun as the nape of his neck. Beads of sweat pooled on his face, giving him a sparkly glisten. His cheeks puffed up with air then blew out again. He held a blue lightsaber in both hands. He swung at the air, doing a series of maneuvers that looked like they should have been impossible, but he made them look effortless. You watched him for a few moments, letting your eyes wander down his broad frame. His muscles bulged against the fabric of his shirt, daring the seams to give loose. You bit your lip, allowing your thoughts to wander too. You became so lost, you didn’t even notice him catching you staring. He strode to the door, you still not noticing, and rapped his knuckles along the metal.   
You nearly fell backward but caught yourself on the wall. The door opened quickly and he stood against the doorframe with a devilish grin, laughing to himself.  
“Enjoy the show?” he teased.   
“I’ve seen better,” you retorted, steadying yourself.   
His eyebrows raised in disbelief. “Let’s see it then.”  
He gestured for you to join him. Too prideful to let him win, you stepped into the room. It was bright, with white padded walls and concrete floors. You squinted at the fluorescent lights, trying to force your eyes to adjust. Ben pulled another saber off the wall and tossed it to you. You reached out to catch it, but it was heavier than you’d imagined and you nearly dropped it. Another smug smirk touched his lips as he spun his saber at his side.   
You adjusted your grip around the hilt. You’d never actually held a lightsaber before. You ran the metal along your palm, taking in every contour and making yourself memorize it. Once you’d felt properly acquainted, you met Ben’s eyes. They were narrowed, dark and looming.   
“Ready?” he asked, but before you could answer, he charged at you.  
You lifted your saber above your head, your heart stops as the blades met and clanged in your ears. Your eyes found his face, his smirk faded into a straight line. He pushed off of you, knocking you to the ground.   
“Get up!” he demanded. You did as you were told, hopping to your feet and planting them, ready for his next attack.   
Except he just stood there.   
“Are you going to advance or not?”   
A snarl ripped through your lips and with a yell, you charged at him, saber over your head. He merely extended one hand and snatched the saber out of your hands. You were thrown off balance and again, you fell to the ground.   
You stared up at the ceiling, desperate to shrink and fade into the ground. Ben leaned over you, his hair making a dark halo around his face.   
“You cheated,” you spat at him, rolling out from under him and sitting up with your back to him. “You didn’t say you were going to use the Force.”   
“And neither will your enemy.”   
He had a point. You knew he was right. You felt his presence looming behind you. You curled into a ball, pressing your forehead into your knees and forcing back sobs. Maybe you weren’t cut out for this Jedi thing.  
He whispered your name and lowered himself to the ground next to you. Even sitting, he looked like a giant. He placed one hand on your back, sending a crackle through your spine.  
“You’ll get the hang of it,” he assured you. “It takes time and a lot of work. You don’t become a Jedi in one day.”   
You sniffled into your pants, wrapping your arms tighter around your legs.   
“How long did it take you?” you asked, turning your head toward him, resting your cheek on your kneecap.   
“Months.”   
“Really?” you said, a hint of surprise in your voice. You lifted your head slightly.   
“Yeah, it’s a lot of work,” he laughed. “And I know you’re destined for greatness. I can feel it.”   
You blinked up at him, tears clouding your vision. “You can?”  
He nodded. “Now, get up, trainee. We’ve got work to do.”   
He stood quickly and reached out a hand to you. You placed your hand in his, his palm nearly two times of the size of yours. He pulled you up with ease, your nose nearly touching his chin. His cologne and natural musk intermingled in your nostrils, a heavenly scent. You bit the inside of your cheek as he released your hand from his and shoved the hilt of the saber in its place. You took in a deep breath as he stepped away from you and readied himself. He gave you a reassuring nod.   
“Ready when you are.”


	2. Figure It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You begin your training as a Jedi, but you have other things in mind. So does Ben.

When dawn came, you were there ready to greet it. You sat in your bed, staring out the window, watching the sun appear from under the horizon. The streaming beams of light burst through your blinds. You flutter your eyes shut, letting the warmth wash over you. Watching the sunrise was one of the few pleasures you afforded yourself. Once the sun had reached its peak in the sky signaling the beginning of a new day, you pulled on your uniform and tied your boots tight to your feet. Callie rolled over in a sleepy haze, her bangs sticking to her forehead.  
“Good morning,” she purred.  
“Morning, Cal.”  
She stretched in her bed inflating her chest with a deep gulp of air. She very clearly wasn’t wearing a bra. You couldn’t help but watch her. You couldn’t deny she was beautiful, more than most. You bit at your bottom lip, pulling one knee to your face and hugging it to your chest.  
“Stop staring,” she commanded without looking at you.  
“Sorry,” you murmured.  
Your cheeks flushed red. You did your best to conceal them. You finished getting ready and threw open the door, letting it slam behind you. You shook off the nerves, rolling your shoulders back and taking a deep breath. You found your way through the winding hallways to the training field. You were the first one there.  
“Good morning,” Ben called from a nearby shed. “Help me with these.”  
He was bent over a bundle of ropes, all in tangles. He swore under his breath as he tried to maneuver the knots with his thick fingers. You couldn’t help but giggle at him.  
“Fuck it,” he said, picking up the whole tangle and throwing it into the field.  
You let your eyes gaze over his whole frame, sweaty and heaving heavy breaths. When you glanced back up to his face, you found his jet black irises staring back.  
“You got a staring problem, trainee?” he barked, a twitch of frustration finding his top lip.  
He stormed past you, his eyes boring into yours. He got so close, his nose nearly collided with yours, leaving you nearly breathless.  
“How can I help, sir?” you asked innocently, doing your best to not irritate him more. You knew he was powerful. It was best not to agitate that.  
“Grab these sabers.”  
You did as he said, quickly and quietly. His temper seemed to soothe itself over time. His nostrils weren’t flaring with anger, but something in you loved seeing him mad. There was something wild in his eyes that settled in your chest like warm honey. You bit the inside of your cheek, letting your thoughts roam. Watching his hands work filled your mouth with excess saliva. They looked rough, callous, course from years of hard work but they also looked gentle, kind. You sighed to yourself.  
“I can hear you, you know?” he said, breaking through your daydream. “Your thoughts are incredibly loud.”  
Your mouth dropped open. You looked to the sky, praying that some god somewhere would grant your wish to melt into the ground. You couldn’t bear to look at him.  
“You can hear my thoughts?” you whispered.  
“Yes, I can,” he barked. “I’d prefer if you’d keep your dirty daydreams to yourself.”  
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t go wandering around in other people’s heads.”  
More trainees started to gather around, looking generally disgruntled and tired. You stared at your feet, the prickle at your neck becoming nearly unbearable.  
“We’ll talk about this later,” he said through gritted teeth before greeting the other trainees.  
The entire session was a blur. You couldn’t get yourself to focus on anything other than the growing pit of embarrassment in your stomach. How long has he been poking around in your mind? Could he hear everyone’s thoughts? Or did he just choose to insert himself into yours? Your dread grew louder and louder in your chest, pounding in your ears.  
Finally, the training was over. The trainees flooded off the field, sweating and panting. It was a tough training. You wished you could remember any of it. All that was left was you and Ben.  
He was gathering equipment when you approached him.  
“You said you wanted to talk to me,” you murmured, feeling like a naughty child sent to the headmaster’s office. You interlocked your fingers against your thighs, not daring to look up at him.  
He tossed the ropes in his hands to the ground and put both hands on his hips. He let out a heavy sigh then pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“I’m flattered,” he started, not making eye contact. “But it’s entirely inappropriate. You’re my trainee.”  
“Yes, sir. I’m sorry,” you said, staring up at him from beneath your long lashes. His jaw clenched like this was causing him pain.  
“Why were you hanging around in my head?”  
His eyes snapped up to you. “I wasn’t trying to! Your thoughts are just so loud. I couldn’t help it.”  
“I don’t know how to think any quieter,” you retorted, crossing your arms over your chest, your confidence and anger rising together in your throat.  
“Well, figure it out,” he scoffed, breezing past you.  
You reached out for his forearm. You’re not sure what came over you but you just had to reach out and touch him. His eyes trailed from your hand gripping his arm to your eyes. You stared back at him, trying to discern any emotions from his face. But there was nothing. Complete indifference.  
“Let go,” he said simply.  
You released your fingers slowly. He gazed at you for just a moment longer. His mouth parted like he wanted to say something else, but he licked the edge of his teeth instead. His eyes squeezed shut as he turned to walk away from you. You stared at his back, his muscles clung to the fabric of his shirt. You begged him in your mind to look back, but he didn’t. His pace picked up and he disappeared into a building.  
You sighed and dragged your feet back toward your dorm. Luckily, the room was empty. You curled into your bed, back against the wall, pulling your pillow to your chest.  
I’m sorry.  
You pushed the words to the front of your mind, hoping they’d somehow reach Ben. You had no idea if he could even hear you from this far away, but you had to try anyway.  
I’m sorry, Ben.  
A single tear fell down your cheek as a rush of emotion flooded your chest. Everything came crashing down on you. The four walls of your room were caving in on you and you were happy to let them crush you. You didn’t belong here. You weren’t meant to be a Jedi.  
Your sobs wracked your chest. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. Then, a gentle knock came at the door. You brushed the tears off of your face and tucked your hair behind your ears. Your hands shook as you unlocked and opened the door just a crack.  
“Hello?” you said into the hallway, not bringing your eyes to the visitor.  
A low rasp replied, “It’s Ben.”  
You opened the door a little more, his chest at your eye level. You slowly dragged your eyes up to meet his.  
“I heard you,” he whispered. “I heard your message.”  
Your eyes went wide. “You did?”  
He nodded with a small smile.  
“I’m sorry, Ben. I don’t know what came over me earlier. I just can’t help it when I look at you.”  
The words poured out of your mouth before you could stop them. You cupped your fingers to your face to make yourself stop.  
His pink lips parted for a moment, then shut again. He lifted his fingers to your face, running them gently along your chin. You leaned into his touch, letting his whole hand rest on your cheek. Fireworks were going off in your chest, a pop and a crackle with each breath you took.  
“Do you want to come in?” you whispered, dropping your eyes to his lips again.  
He sucked in a shaky breath, his eyelids fluttering shut. “I can’t.”  
You nodded into his palm, your lips brushing against his callouses and pressing into the rough skin softly.  
“Goodnight, Ben,” you forced out, not wanting to let this feeling end, but you knew it had to.  
“Goodnight,” he answered. Neither of you moved a muscle.  
He finally made the first move, almost snatching his hand away. His footsteps echoed through the hall as he retreated. Like a soldier, his shoulders were slumped with defeat. You watched him. You couldn’t stop yourself. Once he was out of your sight, you tiptoed back into your room, shutting the door quietly. You leaned up against it, letting your back slide against it as you crumbled to the floor. You reached up to your cheek, the cheek he touched. You could’ve sworn it felt warm like his fingers still lingered there. Heat rose to them now. You took in a deep inhale, the scent of him still heavy in the air.  
You sighed, “Ben.”


	3. Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Ben doesn't want you. But you know someone who does. And you know just how to push his buttons.

You attended training every day, starting at dawn going until noon. After lunch, the trainees were supposed to do something productive; meditate, read, or practice use of the Force. You opted for meditation, but really all you did was sit with your legs crossed thinking of Ben. Someone else had taken over the training, the rumor being that Ben was out on a mission to collect intel. You wanted to focus, to train hard and forget the pang of longing in your chest. You felt ridiculous for daydreaming about him, like a teenage school girl with a crush on her teacher. I suppose you weren’t too far off from that, but still. You weren’t the type to have crushes. You wanted your needs met, anything else was purely an added bonus.   
“Ben and Rey are supposed to be coming back today,” Callie said over lunch.   
The cafeteria was buzzing with conversation.   
“I didn’t even notice they were gone,” you lied. You couldn’t even convince yourself.  
“Yeah, right,” she laughed. “I’ve seen the way you look at him.”  
Your cheeks flooded with heat.   
“Oh, Ben Solo,” she teased in a falsetto, delicately laying the back of her hand to her forehead. “Take me now, Ben.”   
You bit down on the inside of your bottom lip while your fingers twitched with rage. Her smile faded into guilt as she stared at something behind your head. Your eyebrows furrowed. Then you turned your head to find Ben standing in the doorway of the cafeteria, his jaw tightly clenched. His hands made two fists as he stormed back out.   
“Thanks a lot,” you shot at Callie.   
“I’m sorry!” she called after you as you ran after him.   
His legs were nearly double the length of yours making catching up to him nearly impossible. But you pushed yourself into a sprint, desperate to explain.   
“Ben!” you yelled from one end of the corridor to the other.   
He stopped dead in his tracks, but didn’t turn around. You wasted no time closing the distance between you.   
“Ben,” you panted, completely out of breath. “I’m so sorry. She was being stupid, messing around. It won’t happen again.”  
“See to it that it doesn’t.”   
His words cut through you like a knife, slashing your racing heart. You’d spent a week missing him, a week of your life you won’t get back. A week you weren’t going to waste.   
“I didn’t tell her,” you said meekly, trying to get your breathing under control. “I didn’t tell anyone.”   
He stared at his feet, but you could still see the dark disks of his eyes frantically looking around. He balled his hands into fists then released them in time with his breath.   
“I can’t do this right now,” he says finally, pushing through a nearby door.   
“Ben!” you called out to him.   
“Enough!” he growled, slamming the door behind him, rattling the whole corridor.   
Your heart told you to follow him, that you weren’t done with this conversation, but your head reminded you that wasn’t a good idea. You put both hands on the back of your head and let out a heavy breath. A couple trainees stared at you, wide-eyed, completely frozen in place. You cussed to yourself, kicking the baseboard then falling against the wall.  
Callie found you sitting on the floor of the hallway, unmoving, staring at the door even though you knew he was long gone by now. You didn’t look at her as she slid down to the floor beside you.  
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I was just messing around.”   
“I know,” you answered. “You didn’t know.”   
She nodded painfully. She reached out to your hand stretched out on your knee and intertwined your fingers with hers. She gave your hand a squeeze. You watched her roll her thumb across your knuckles. You finally looked up at her. She was already staring at you. You bit the inside of your cheek. She watched you. After a few minutes of a tense staring contest, you finally broke her gaze.   
“We should get back to training,” you said.   
You stood quickly, offering her your hand. She took it timidly. Callie was thin, light as a feather. You pulled her up with ease, letting your noses touch for a second before backing up.   
“See you later, Cal,” you whispered, taking one last second to look her up and down.   
You turned on your heel to conceal the smirk on your face. Maybe it was wrong to seduce your roommate, but you didn’t care. A fire was burning in your belly that needed to be tended to and if you couldn’t have Ben, Callie was the next best option. You got along, she was beautiful and seemingly willing. And she was available. She didn’t shut you down at the first sign of attraction. A mischievous thought crossed your mind. It was evil, but you chuckled at the idea. You licked your lips devilishly as your plan rolled around in your mind. 

A few hours later, Callie returned to the dorm room. A pink flush had taken over her cheeks. Her hands shook a little as she waved to you wordlessly.   
“Hey Cal,” you purred, letting the book in your hands fall to the wayside.   
Your eyes wandered down her body. Her uniform fit her perfectly, falling gracefully over her hips and clinging to her chest. You sucked your teeth loud enough for her to hear. She jumped at the sound as she slowly untied her boots.   
“We need to talk about earlier,” she started boldly. Her confidence wavered a bit as you crawled off your bed toward her.   
“Uh huh,” you answered absentmindedly, sinking into her bed next to her.   
“U-um, I don’t know if, um,” she stammered as you put your index finger under her chin and tilted her face toward yours. “I don’t know if this is the best idea.”   
“Do you really think that, Cal?” you whispered. “Or is that what you think you should think?”  
She answered by pressing her lips hard against yours. She pulled away, her eyes wide like a deer in headlights. You grinned at her, showing all of your teeth as you pressed your palm against her neck and brought her lips back to yours. She moved carefully against you, like she was scared to hurt you. She opened her mouth a little wider to breath, but you found it the perfect opportunity to slip your tongue just behind her teeth. She moaned into your mouth and a little flutter of a warmth planted itself in your stomach. When she tangled her fingers in your hair, the warmth slid down your body, settling into a throbbing pulse between your legs.   
As good as she felt, you concentrated most of your energy into broadcasting this as far as it would reach. You hoped Ben was laying in his bed in his quarters, jealous that someone else was on the receiving end of the touch you’d reserved for him. Part of you felt bad using Callie like this but it wasn’t like you hadn’t thought about fucking your roommate. You’d thought about it the minute she walked into the room.   
It’d been a long time since you’d been with a woman, hell, a person even. Your body relaxed into its cravings, allowing you to fully enjoy the experience, letting the storm cloud cluttering your mind melt away with every touch of Callie’s fingertips, clearing your mind so that nothing could cloud your vision. You let your hands slide down her neck to the top of her uniform shirt, fiddling with the buttons then finally just ripping them open to expose a frilly white bra, not the standard issue undergarments every trainee was given. A small forbidden symbol of her life before the Jedi training program. You lifted your eyebrows as you inspected it.   
“Bit of a rebel, huh?” you murmured against her neck before biting down softly, cupping her breast in your hand. She groaned into your ear, prompting you to slip your hand under the lace and pinch her already-erect nipple in between your fingers. Her chest heaved with desire. Your mind screamed with dirty thoughts.   
I bet she tastes heavenly.  
I can’t wait to feel how wet she is for me.   
I wonder how many times I could make her cum.  
She whispered your name once, twice, then on the third, she exclaimed it, pushing you away. She closed her shirt around her torso and started biting down hard on her thumbnail, so hard you thought she’d make herself bleed.  
“Woah, Callie, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” you questioned, reaching out to comfort her. A pang of guilt stinging your neck. She was too delicate for your rough behavior.   
“This is wrong. We shouldn’t be doing this,” she whispered.   
You licked your lips, trying to find the right thing to say.   
“Calliope,” you said, her full name rolling off your tongue in a single breath. “Did it feel wrong?”   
You gingerly wrapped your fingers around the hand clasping her shirt together.   
“It’s okay, Cal,” you whispered, taking her hand in both of yours, pressing her palm to your lips then holding it to your chest.  
“Does this feel wrong?”   
She shook her head then dropped her other hand, her shirt falling open, exposing her chest again.   
“We can take this slow,” you purred, wrapping one hand around her waist, pulling her closer to you. “As slow as you want.”   
She nods again, resting her head on your shoulder.   
“Can we cuddle?” she says into your collarbone.  
You can’t help but giggle at her. “Of course we can, Cal.”   
You laid back on her bed, opening you arms to her. She crawled up to you, nuzzling her face in the crook of your shoulder, draping one arm lazily across your stomach. You rested your fingers on her hip and placed a small kiss on the top of her head. She giggled into your armpit, a truly adorable sound. A smile spread across your face. You could get used to this.


	4. Fix Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your night with Callie, Ben feels a bit jealous. You finally think you're getting what you want until...

Dawn crept up over the horizon, sleepily streaming through the blinds, coating the room in the soft morning light. Callie was still asleep in your arms. A puddle of entangled naked limbs. You slipped out of her grasp, careful not to wake her. You pulled the blanket up over her shoulders then collected your clothes that were thrown all over the floor. You crept out of the room toward the showers. You liked to shower early. No one else would be there.   
As the hot water poured over your shoulders, flashes of the night flooded your mind every time you blinked. You couldn’t help but smile. Callie was clumsy, unexperienced, but she soon got into a rhythm. Once she had a taste though, she didn’t want to stop. You lost count of how many rounds you went, but she tired you out.   
You finished your shower, wrapped yourself in just a towel. You were heading back to your room to change anyway. No need to get dressed. You were wrong.  
You swung open the bathroom door and made your way down the hallway when someone cleared their throat behind you. You froze in place like somehow that would make you invisible. You slowly turned around.  
“Ben?” you said.   
He was stood, leaning up against the wall like he’d been waiting for you. The sleeves of his shirt were tight against his biceps, but his bottom half was lost in a sea of gray plaid pajama pants. His hair was mussed, you assumed it was bed-head. It didn’t look like he got much sleep. You chuckled to yourself.   
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he started, quickly closing the space between you.   
Before you could answer, he grabbed you by the forearm and pulled you into a nearby corridor. He pushed you up against the wall, slamming you against it with his arm at your collarbone.   
“You think you’re so funny?” he said through gritted teeth.   
You grasped at his arms, the edges of your vision blurring as your brain lost oxygen.  
“Ben,” you choked out as you felt your towel slipping off of you.  
He glanced down, then immediately looked away. He released you from the wall.  
“Fix yourself,” he spat, shutting his eyes. But he couldn’t hide his reddening cheeks.  
You pulled your towel tight against your chest. You let yourself stare at him for a moment, taking him in.   
“Are you decent?” he murmured, rubbing his hands over his face.   
“Never,” you teased.  
He stepped toward you again, nearly crashing into you. He moved so quickly it nearly took your breath away. You watched as he ground his teeth together in his mouth. His nostrils flared as he exhaled angrily. Your heart thudded in your chest. Every part of you just wanted to press your lips to his, bruise his mouth with yours.   
“Stop it,” he said under his breath, but he didn’t seem to believe it. “You can’t just torture me like that all night.”  
A touch of surprise pulled up the corners of your lips.  
“You heard me?” you whispered, mainly to yourself, delighted that you were actually able to pull it off.   
“I didn’t just hear you,” he chuckled, “I could see you.”   
Your eyes went wide. Your lips parted slightly. You were struggling to get breath into your lungs. He was so close, it was like he was taking the air from you. You bit your bottom lip a bit, trying to find words.   
“And?” was all you could squeak out  
He rolled his eyes, then looked around, making sure you were alone.   
“Go put some clothes on,” he whispered, glancing down to your chest. “Then meet me in my quarters.”   
Before you could respond, he was gone, his loud footsteps retreating down the hall. You stood there a moment longer, a smirk spreading across your face. You got him.  
You found clothes quickly in the dark wash of the room. You weren’t sure if what you found even matched, but you didn’t care. You didn’t expect to be wearing them long anyway. Callie was still sleeping soundly in bed, her little snores were the only sound in the room.   
You hurried down the hall toward the instructor’s quarters. You’d never been in this hall before. Students weren’t allowed for obvious reasons. You inspected each door, trying to determine which one would be Ben’s. At the end of the hall were a set of black ornate wooden doors. They looked out of place amongst the metal and chrome of the rest of the base. You stood a few feet from them. Opting not to knock, but to send a personalized message.  
I’m here.   
The doors swung open almost instantly like he was waiting for you. He snatched you inside, concealing you before anyone could see you. His quarters were nearly double the size of yours. He had a huge king-sized bed that made your twin look like a child’s. From here, you could see a sheen on the sheets. Satin. Fancy.   
The room appeared almost royal, with black wood furniture and deep burgundy swaths of fabric everywhere. It was barely lit, only a few dimmed wall lights. How did he not get any sleep in this? You could sleep for weeks in that bed.   
“You need to get out of my head,” he growled. “I can’t handle it anymore.”  
“Then let go,” you purred, lowering yourself onto the ottoman at the end of the bed.   
He stared at you intensely, his dark irises drank in your entire body slowly. You leaned back, letting your legs hang open. He took in a deep breath as a shudder ran through him. He finally met your eyes.   
“I can’t,” he murmured, moving his gaze to your lips. He took slow, painful steps like he was walking through quicksand to get to you.  
“Why can’t you, Ben?” you questioned, fingering the collar of your shirt, exposing your collarbone.   
“It’s…” he started, standing directly in front of you now. “…forbidden.”   
“Doesn’t that make it all the more fun?” you breathed, reaching out and running your index finger along the outside of his thigh. He tensed under your touch, clenching all of his muscles. He shut his eyes tight like he was trying to make you disappear.   
“Why did you invite me here, Ben?” you said, crossing your arms across your chest. “Why am I here?”   
He let out a relieved breath. When his eyes fluttered back open, something had changed. There was something hungry, wild, desperate in the black disks staring back at you. Before you could even think, he wrapped one arm around your waist, pulling you up to his face. You closed your legs around his waist and put both arms around his neck. He held you tight to his chest, so tight you could feel his heart racing through both his shirt and yours.   
“Take me, Ben,” you hummed, inching your face closer to his. “Make me yours.”   
With a twitch of his lips, he put one hand on the back of your head and pushed his mouth into yours.   
Finally, you thought.   
“Hush,” he commanded in between kisses.   
Your lips moved together like they’d been designed to meet. Your hands drifted up to his neck and into his hair, tangling your fingers in his dark locks. He moaned into your mouth as you tugged a bit. A swarm of butterflies flitted around in your stomach, landing between your legs. You rubbed against him a bit, letting your heat run over the growing hardness in his pants. He chuckled a bit.   
“Soon, little one,” he mumbled. “We have all the time in the world.”   
He kissed you again, one hand holding the back of your neck, one hand on the small of your back. He carried you to the edge of the bed, laying you down gently like you were so fragile you would break. You watched him as he stepped back, pulling the hem of his shirt over his head, leaving his chest bare. You sat up and ran your hands along his stomach. He sucked in a breath as your fingertips grazed the waistband of his pants. Without hesitation, you kissed a line down his torso. He rested his hands on your shoulders, sighing with each press of your lips.   
He whispered your name. It sounded so much better out of his mouth. You propped yourself up on your knees and took his face in your hands. You kissed him. Hard. He slipped in his tongue behind your teeth. You brought one hand to his side and left the other on his cheek, running your thumb absentmindedly across his scar.   
“Don’t,” he said, taking your wrist tight in his fist.   
His jaw tightened and his teeth clenched.   
“What happened to you?” you heard yourself whisper.   
He let go of your hand, taking a few steps away from you. His warmth faded from you, a cold chill taking its place. He wouldn’t look at you.   
“You’re going to be late,” he said, picking up his shirt and slipping back on.  
“Ben,” you called to him, reaching out for his hand.   
“Time to go, trainee. I’m sure Callie is waiting for you.”  
You felt your heart shatter a little. You thought you had him in your grasp. He was yours. Your vision came crumbling down around you as he quickly left the room. You were alone again. You fought back sobs as you exited, praying no one would see you but somewhat hoping someone did. You wanted someone to ask why you were in Ben Solo’s quarters. You wanted to tell them you’d kissed him, kissed his chest. His tongue was in your mouth.   
But no one was there.  
Callie had already left by the time you got back. A folded up note sat on your bed with your name scrawled in her handwriting.   
See you tonight, love. -C  
You held the note to your chest, a pang of guilt settled in your heart. You’d never been in a love triangle before, but you sure didn’t like the feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii! Thank you to everyone who's been reading this and (hopefully) enjoying it! I'm hoping to keep up a pace of a new chapter every Monday (except for this chapter, sry). Okay, enough from me! See you next week, xx.


	5. Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions are rising as your relationship with Ben continues to be a big question mark. That is until he visits your dorm room one afternoon.

As if the training wasn’t hard enough, it was even harder when your instructor refused to make eye contact with you. Or wouldn’t get within 10 feet of you.   
After 3 days of the silent treatment, you’d had enough. You planned to confront him after training. You knew he felt something for you, he couldn’t try and deny it. Sure, maybe you’d hit a nerve touching his scar but could he blame you? He never talked about that part of his life. No one did. You’d heard plenty of rumors about his life before the Jedi school, but rumors are usually just exaggerated truths. You wanted to hear it from him.  
“Can I have a word with you?” you asked as the other trainees filed out of the training room. It’d been a saber training day. Your least favorite. Ben was putting away the practice sabers when you approached him from behind.  
“You have 2 minutes,” he grunted. “Make it count.”  
Everything you wanted to say to him oozed out of your head. You’d spent the mornings practicing in the mirror and now that he was here, standing in front of you, staring into your eyes, words wouldn’t come.  
He glanced up at the clock on the wall. “Minute thirty, trainee.”   
“It’s not fair,” you said finally.   
He pushed his eyebrows up and crossed his arms.  
You cleared your throat and shut your eyes, trying to focus your racing thoughts.   
“It’s not fair how you left things. You’re so secretive about your past. Can you blame me for wanting to know more about you? You’re a mystery man. I just wanted to get to know you and not just physically.”  
The words spilled out of your mouth as tears spilled from your eyes. When you looked up at him, he was staring at his feet, biting his bottom lip. When his eyelashes fluttered and his eyes met yours, you melted. Before your thoughts could catch up, you reached for his hand, clenched in a tight fist. His breath hitched as he released his grip. He let your fingers explore his palm before you interlocked them.   
“Please, Ben,” you whispered, wiping tears from your cheeks with your other hand. “Give me a second chance.”   
He stared at your hands pressed together for a moment.   
“Time’s up,” he said, pulling his hand away and retreating out the door.   
If you were sad before, you were fuming now. What else did he want from you? You poured out your heart to him and he just walked away.   
When you got back to your dorm, you undressed completely, then slipped on your nightshirt. You pulled the blankets up over your head, hoping they would swallow you whole, send you back where you belonged. The door opened, but you didn’t bother to check who it was. A few minutes of silence went by. That wasn’t like Callie. She couldn’t be quiet if she tried.   
You sighed and pulled the blanket off your head.   
“What’s up, Cal-”  
When you sat up and let your eyes adjust, you realized it wasn’t Callie.   
“Ben, what are you doing here?”   
He stood in the center of the room, eyeing it up as if he’d never seen the dorms before. He probably hadn’t. You pulled the blanket over your chest, feeling the heat trickle into your cheeks as you glanced down his feet, your bra crushed under the weight of his boot.   
“You should really clean up in here,” he said simply, his gruff tone like music to your ears.   
“You should really knock,” you answered, crossing your arms.   
He nodded with a bemused smile.   
“Well, are you just going to stand there and stare at my room, or are you going to say something?”   
His eyes snapped to yours, then down to your chest. Even somewhat clothed, his gaze made you feel exposed.   
“Are you just going to sit there or are you going to kiss me?”  
You swore you physically felt your heart drop into your ass. You glared at him confused, your mouth slightly open as you tried to figure out how to respond. You furrowed your brows together.   
Stop thinking and kiss him, you idiot, you thought.   
You were on your feet before your mind could convince you to stay put. You stepped up to him, placing your toes up against his boots. You let your eyes slowly glide up his body, stopping for a moment on his chest, resting both palms on it, then finally looking at his face. He reached for you, one hand wrapping around your waist, the other on your cheek. He tugged on you slightly, bringing your entire body up to meet him. You were on your tiptoes when the tip of his nose bumped into yours.   
“Little one,” he breathed against you before he pressed his lips into yours.   
You smiled into his kiss, stepping up on his feet to get closer to him. He pulled you into him so tight you thought you’d meld into each other. You slid both hands up his face into his hair. He let his hand wander down your backside underneath your sleep shirt. His hand paused on your bare ass then chuckled a bit.   
“Is this shirt all you’re wearing?” he said into your mouth.   
“Are you complaining?”   
He shrugged with another giggle and took a handful of your ass in his fingers. He worked his palm down to your exposed sex, letting his digits hover over where you wanted his touch the most. You throbbed in response. When he pulled away, you frowned a bit. He rested his palm on the top of your butt.  
“I’ll tell you everything you want to know,” he said, lips reaching down to your neck and nipping at your throat. You giggled at his touch. “Just give me time.”   
He plunged his teeth into your neck and his fingers into your pussy. You wrapped your arms tight around his neck to keep yourself upright. You could barely hear the sound of the door opening over the pleasure building in your ears, but you heard it loud and clear when Callie called your name from the door.   
Your eyes snapped open.   
“Callie!”   
Ben pushed himself off of you and looked at Callie with wild eyes.   
“What the hell is going on?” she asked, her voice shaking as tears pooled in her eyes. “I thought, I thought-”  
She trembled as she talked.   
“Calliope,” Ben said, reaching a hand out to her.   
“I’m not talking to you, Ben. She can answer for herself.”   
But you couldn’t. You knew you were going to crush her, lose her forever. You knew this would happen eventually, but not now.   
I can erase her memories.  
A voice echoed in your head, a voice that wasn’t yours.   
I can use the Force to erase this. Forget everything.   
As you stared at her red face, shaking with rage, you weighed your options. You didn’t want her to forget the night you had together, but you couldn’t leave her like this. You couldn’t lose her.   
Do it.   
Ben held his hand up to her head and closed his eyes tight.   
“Forget,” he whispered.   
“Forget,” she whispered back.   
When Callie opened her eyes again, he was gone. So were her tears. So was the furious look in her eyes when she saw me.   
“Hey, you,” she said like she’d seen an old friend. “I totally just blanked on what were we talking about. What’s going on?”  
“Nothing, I just asked you about your day.”   
She sighed with a smile and started talking about her training and what she ate for lunch and how that guy in her class was definitely checking her out. You smiled and laughed at all the right places, but you felt your heart breaking with every word she spoke. You had to remind yourself that you were the one who used her to get to Ben. You had to remind yourself that it wasn’t going to last with her. You had to remind yourself that you were sparing her feelings. She didn’t deserve to be hurt by you. She was too good, too pure. She had to forget. She couldn’t know what you did to her.   
But damn, did you want her to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii! Thank you all for reading! I truly appreciate it! I hope you enjoyed this tame part because the next chapter is well...when the action happens. See y'all next Monday!


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